


1:27am

by ddalkies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Comfort, Anxiety/Anxiety attacks, Crying, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 13:39:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17509619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddalkies/pseuds/ddalkies
Summary: sicheng didn’t want to live anymore.yet yuta fell in love with the aeon in his dark eyes.





	1:27am

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING : this is very dark, please don’t read if you are sensitive to the things i mentionned in the tags. i don’t want to be responsible of anything that could be caused by reading this, and i genuiely apologize if i do.  
> ps : i absolutely do not imply that these are sicheng’s feelings : this is just a way to express mine.

1:27am. sicheng wiped his tears with his wrist for what seemed like the thousandth time tonight as he watched the blood coming out of his skin.  
he softly put the blade away, suddenly feeling full of calmness yet regret and guilt. like each time.

_i handled a whole month without that. why the fuck did i do it again?_

he felt weak. his chest was so heavy and the air was getting more and more humid. his mind was going insane and all of his thoughts were an absolute mess.

1:28am. sicheng wiped his tears away as they were flooding his vision more and more. the whole world was turning around his head, he felt dizzy and nauseous.

suddenly, he heard his phone ring, indicating a new message.

who would text him so late? who would even care? they probably don’t even care. this person might just need help with something and-

another ring sound.  
it took sicheng all of his willpower and soul to lean towards the phone with his shaky hands, soothing as he saw who the messages were coming from.

 _1:28am, yuta-hyung_  
_sichengie?_  
_1:29am, yuta-hyung  
_ _are you awake?_

he thought for a bit whether he should answer or not, but before he could proceed on anything, his phone rang again.

_1:29am, yuta-hyung  
sichengie, i know you’re here. please answer me._

he thought for a few second and shakily replied.

_1:31am, sichengie  
how ciuld yoi knnw?_

it took the chinese boy a good two minutes just to type these for words in an understandable way, yet they were still barely readable.

yuta replied right away.

_1:31am, yuta-hyung  
see? i was right. i woke up and i had a bad feeling. are you okay baby?_

sicheng teared up at the last sentence. how was he supposed to answer?

 _yeah, i’m okay._  
he deleted the reply.  
_no, i’m not._  
he deleted again.  
_i don’t want to be alive._  
1:34am, sicheng deleted his reply again.  
_it doesn’t matter anyways.  
_ and he deleted once again.

__

_1:35am, yuta-hyung  
i’m coming over, sichengie. _

the latter’s eyes widened as he glanced at his wrist, full of shame as fear took over him.  
he didn’t want his boyfriend to see him like that. he was so ashamed. he felt so guilty.

__

_1:37am, yuta-hyung  
hyhng, lpleas, dont come here, yiu cant come, pkease_

__

_1:37am, yuta-hyung  
i’m already on my way my love. hang on, okay?_

sicheng didn’t even have strength to reply.  
he didn’t even have strentgh to breathe.  
he layed on the bed, hoping this time, his sorrow would finally leave his soul, and just let him die like he wished.

he heard the door of his apartment click and heavy breaths, and soon enough yuta was in the room, but he couldn’t see him. his vision was blurry, he felt dizzy, he couldn’t see anything anymore.

“sicheng, oh my god,”

tears flooded the latter’s eyes once again as he felt the older’s gaze over his bruised wrist.

__

_he hates you. he hates you, sicheng, he hates you. he’s ashamed of you doing that. you’re pathetic. he hates you. he hat-_

yuta sat on the bed and made sicheng sit as well as he wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist, holding him against his chest.

“i love you,”  
“i’m here. i’m just right here.”

sicheng’s brain was going to explode, his heart was beating at a crazily unsteady race.  
he was trying so hard to breathe, yet he still couldn’t. 

“sicheng. sicheng, honey. please. please hold on.”

yuta’s hand was slowly caressing sicheng’s back, as the latter’s face was buried inside the older’s neck, covering it with heavy tears.

“i love you,” repeated yuta at least 20 times.  
after what seemed like an eternity, sicheng seemed to manage to breathe somewhat properly, although the tears were still uncontrollably running over his pink cheeks.

“i’m sorry,” he managed to mumble.  
“no apologies. you don’t have to apology for anything. i’m the one who should apologize for not being here at the right moment.”  
“i don’t even d-deserve it,”

yuta lifted sicheng’s face, cupped his cheeks with his hands.

“you deserve it. you deserve it sicheng, don’t you ever say that again. you deserve everything. the world, all of its treasure and all of the stars in the world. i swear if i could, i would give you everything, just to see your smile. i’m insanely in love with you, god, i’m so, so in love with you dong sicheng, i couldn’t even think of living without you. i simply couldn’t and you know why? because you are my whole life, you are my whole world, and there’s nothing in the entire world that could ever replace you. don’t say you don’t deserve it, please, sicheng, please.”

sicheng wanted to scream. he wanted to scream to the world how much he felt all that about yuta too, how much he loved him, how much he meant to him. but he couldn’t talk. but it didn’t matter. because yuta felt it.

because he felt their love. because they both knew the love they felt for each other.  
because they were madly in love. and that was enough for sicheng to calm down and go back to his somewhat-normal-state.

yuta didn’t remove his hands by now, they just both stared at each other before sicheng leaned in for a kiss. the most passionate kiss they’ve ever shared. 

and sicheng layed on the bed again, this time yuta on top of him, feeling the need to protect him, to put him away from any danger, even if the danger was sicheng himself.

he whispered in his ear.  
“i’m here. i’m here sichengie, i’m here and i love you.”

“i love you so much more,”

the japanese boy smiled at him and sicheng felt his heart flutter as he smiled back.

1:56am, sicheng felt home, felt safe.

the chinese boy had wrapped his arms around yuta’s waist, holding on him so tight, like he needed to feel his warmth to stay alive, like he was holding his will to live, his reason to breathe, his oxygen, his happiness, his world.

and sicheng soon realized he was actually holding it.  
holding his will to live, his reason to breathe, his oxygen, his happiness, his world.

__

_nakamoto yuta._

**Author's Note:**

> best coping mechanism : write and put all of your feelings in one of the characters. sorry sicheng ily bub  
> thank you for reading ♡


End file.
